Society portray

This post has been circulating the Internet appearing in blogs, forums and also via email

Now days —

Greenhouse messed up the seasons,

Xiaojie (sex worker) messed up seniority in the family,

Guanxi (connection) messed up procedures,

Public security messed up orders,

Money messed up officialdom.

Now days –

Leaders are busy in the “reserved rooms”;

Important work is done in banquets;

Appointment and dismissal of cadres are in the deals;

Project contracts are in the black boxes;

The real works are in the slogans;

The urgent matters are in the meetings;

Proper planning is in the closet;

Unhealthy trends are in the notices;

Cadres that help the poor are in the luxury cars;

Valuable talents are in the eulogy;

High quality products are in the advertisements;

Luxury buildings are the government organizations;

Attractive female secretaries are in the bedrooms;

Good sounding words are in the reports;

Glorious numbers are in the reviews;

Great achievements are in the waters;

Encouraging improvements are in creativity!

Where are all the sincere friends?

Now days –

Live, wasted by mortgage payment!

Beautiful calligraphy, wasted by computers!

TV shows, wasted by commercials!

Advertising, wasted by “Naobaijin ” (“脑白金” The most well-known, voted the most mentally retarded and most idiotic commercial in China.)

Lamb, wasted by Clenbuterol (瘦肉精 A banned chemical, used on animals to produce lean meat and reduce feed, but is harmful to human body)

Hero, wasted by beauties!

Girls, wasted by rich men!

Handsome men, wasted by rich women!

Cadres, wasted by RMB! (Money)

Medical ethics, wasted by doctors!

Letters, wasted by telephones!

Designers, wasted by bosses!

Hotels, wasted by government uses!

National football, wasted by the Football Association!

Athletes, wasted by steroids!

Life, wasted by medical expenses!

Stomach, wasted by alcohol!

Lungs, wasted by cigarettes!

Students, wasted by the Internet!

Sons, wasted by wives!

Migrant workers, wasted by delayed wages!

Laws, wasted by the court!

Sleep, wasted by nightclubs!

Attractions, wasted by golden week (holiday)!

Children, wasted by Sanlu milk powder!

A group, wasted by not talking!

Youth, wasted by working!

Now days –

Wife is like PHS (The Personal Handy-phone System (PHS), also marketed as the Personal Access System (PAS) and commercially branded as Xiaolingtong (小灵通) in China,)

Economical, but limited to local use only.

Ernai (mistress. Second wife) is like China Telecom, safe, secure and stable but can not bring out.

Xiaomi (Mistress of rich or powerful person, high end mistress) is like China Mobile, easy to access but too expensive;

Lover is like China Unicom, elegant, trendy but often out of service!

Now days –

Professors flap lips and beat the tongue, (engage in loose talk) make money, more and more like businessmen;

Businessmen appear at forums, write books, more and more like professors.

Doctors refuse to help, disregard human life, more and more like killers;

Killers act agile, not leaving side effects, more and more like doctors.

Stars tease; do anything for money, more and more like Xiaojie;

Xiaojie are lovely, with clear price tags, more and more like stars.

Police terrorize and bully, more and more like local ruffian;

Local ruffians tyrannize a region, dare to act, more and more like the police.

Gossips have proofs, are basically true, more and more like news;

News on hearsay evidence, exaggerate, more and more like gossip.

Now days –

The perfect life is – live in a British house, wear a Swiss watch, make American wages, marry Korean women, have Russian prostitutes, drive German cars, drive French wine and hire Filipino maids.

Now days –

Marriage is called getting the date plan (入网)  (a pun for entering a trap)

Bigamy is called a dual-number (sim) card (一卡双号)

Affair is called call forwarding

Lover is called Mobile Monternet

Divorce is called deleting the number

Separated is called terminate service but keep the number,

Women remarrying are called account transfer.

Men remarrying are called replacement card.

(Husband wife) swap is called Unicom.

Now days – The way of being a official:

Doing a hundred good things for the leader is not as good as do one bad thing with the leader, if leader take you to do a bad thing together, that means there will be a hundred good things waiting for you!

Now days –

Hard work is only for god to see;

Muddling alone, everything is safe and sound;

Hard working can never make wish come true;

Knowing how to kiss ass is outstanding contribution;

Due diligence will certainly be accused;

Who frames against someone will be rewarded!

Now days –

Quality of cadres asks you to:

Have Xiaoping in heart, diploma in the bag;

Can settle the top, and also level the bottom;

No moral, but can fill the treasury;

Hold a alcohol bottle on the left and a medicine bottle on the right;

Vinegar bottle at home, and vases out there. (wife at home, pretty girls outside)

Now days –

Building a harmonious society should pay attention to:

Do not fight nature,

Do not fight United State internationally,

Do not fight the military vehicles on the road,

Do not fight your boss at work,

Do not fight your wife at home!

Now days –

To criticize is too difficult:

Criticize superior official will lose your job;

Criticize peer hurts relationships

Criticize yourself is asking for trouble;

Criticize subordinates loses votes!

Now days –

When men ask the leader for something, leader will enthusiastically say “Why don’t you tell me in advance?” “你怎么不提前（钱）来讲嘛！” (“in advance” is a pun for money in Chinese, meaning why don’t you bringing up money)

When women ask the leader for something, leader always say “I am too busy, we talk day after” “我很忙，‘日’后再说！” (day Is pun for ‘fuck’ in Chinese, meaning we talk after fuck)

Now days –

Ten kinds of people are not fit for being high officials:

1. Timid

2. Talk too much

3. No money

4. Poor relationship

5. Can’t drink

6. Too talented

7. High education

8. Abhorrence of evil

9. Poor sexual functions

10. Pretty but not willing

Now days —

Men think:

Lover is a wrist watch that prettier the better;

Xiaomi (mistress) is a chest watch, more hidden the better;

Xiaojie (sex worker) is an electronic watch, newer the better;

Wife is an automatic watch, running without winding;

A variety of watches, as long as you manage the time right!

Now days –

Some men:

Sleep with beauty, excited to death!

Sleep with lover, live as if drunk of dreaming to death!

Sleep with ugly girl, irritated to death!

Sleep with xiaojie, tired to death!

Sleep with wife, pretend to be dead all night!

Now days –

Wife is home, lover is flower,

Wages is for home, bonus for flower,

Go home when sick, go see flower when cured,

Home is what can’t leave, flowers is what can’t forget.

Go home often, don’t forget water the flower!

Now days –

Answer the call – if voice is getting lower, the other side is the leader; If voice is getting louder, the other side is a subordinate; If getting mad right the way, the other dialed the wrong number; if can’t stop laughing, the other said is a girl; if pause for long time and only a hum, the other is the wife lecturing; if hiding away from people to talk on phone, the other side is lover mistress!