Han Han: I am just exploring

From Han Han’s blog


Recently I read some Shanghai related news, it is very interesting to connect them together. First, Shanghai’s concrete mixer vehicles drive the city construction in the rate of crushing one person dead each day on average. If this continues, China’s pavilions will be dyed in red with insignificant people’s blood.

Secondly, Politics and Law Committee secretary in Shanghai announced that he is determined to not allow the gangsters to be established in Shanghai. To this I feel rather at ease, because everything is so expensive in Shanghai, not that many gang leaders can afford to support any of their little brothers, Shanghai has already put an end to the creation of gangs from their roots.

Furthermore, the Shanghai municipal government has announced that it will implement the odd and even plates driving restrictions. (In order to solve the traffic problem, this restriction only allows vehicles with odd or even license number plates to drive on the street on every other day) This is learned from the Beijing government. Beijing implemented this odd and even plates driving restriction during the 2008 Olympics, but Beijing’s license plate only cost 200 yuan, and does not have road tolls. In Shanghai, there are plates that cost 30,000 to 40,000 yuan. In addition, gasoline prices in Shanghai are 30 to 70 cents higher than other provinces. After paying the money, not only it doesn’t work, it is so that you can pay more money, how can the gangsters survive here when they actually work after getting the money. By the way, there is the street loan fee of 1,800 to pay, this is very strange, we paid the down payment, and then the loan is also our money, but the profit all goes to you, in the end we just want to touch it, and there is still a time restriction.

Even though this regulation has no effect on me, because I am usually in the country, rarely go to the city. But when the day comes, there will really be a lot of traffic restrictions. I think everyone can only park their cars on the streets and walk home, there is no other way. The government can restrict the number of cars on the street, because of the heavy traffic, but we can’t restrict the officials from working because they are too dumb.

In addition, there are a lot of friends asked me about my feelings on Google leaving China. During the incident of Google scanning Chinese authors’ works, reporter already asked me, Google, without your permission, scanned your book and put it online for other people to read it for free, and said at most will pay you 60 dollars, how I would feel about it. I said, if they really did that, then that explains why they cannot be number one in China’s market shares. When I got home, I finally understood, it turned out Google only scanned the index of my book. Then, I came to understand why Google is not number one in China’s market shares, too many people make troubles for Google. In fact, whether Google is really leaving or fake leaving, I can all understand, the only thing I don’t understand is, on one website’s survey, 70% of the (Chinese) internet users said, they do not support Google’s announcement to the Chinese Government that they will no longer provide censored search results anymore. When reading the survey results from the government official websites, you always feel why I am always at the opposite side of the public opinion, even feel like I am a post 90s generation, why I am always not mainstream. Actually these websites are really in need of screening. I can tolerate calling black gray, calling white beige, but I can never tolerate confounding black and white.

If Google leaves China, the people who feel the most regret are certain writers. Of course, not because Chinese writers represent a social conscience and forces of improvement, they never care about the limited freedom of speech, even if the cultural department filters half of the Chinese characters, they will still have the ability to use the rest of the characters to continue to sing the praises. Their pain is, if they knew you were going to leave, they would not have accepted your 60 dollars, I believe this would be the majority of the Chinese writers’ first income in electronic copyright. They just wanted to have 40 more.

Lastly, I saw a news article said, after your cell phone forwards pornographic message or pornographic information the text messaging feature on your phone will be disabled. You must go to the local police station to write a promise note in order to have the text message feature turned back on. The government is like this. It always gives you a verb and a noun, and then never explains this noun. For example, cannot be anti-revolutionary, but it never tells you what anti-revolution is; cannot be guilty of the crime of perversion, but never tells you what the crime of perversion is; this time cannot forward pornographic message, but never tells you what pornographic message is. First I wanted to follow what the government said, but I had no choice because the government had no standards, causing many friends stepping on some land mines, even some “50 cent parties” often are in the embarrassing situation of wanting to kiss ass but still not passing the screening. My suggestion is, for the minefield, you should label it clearly it’s a minefield; go inside at your own risk. If you don’t label it clearly, and bury some mines on the pedestrian’s walk, and then whose (fault) is it when it blows up? The Chinese new year is here soon, in order to prevent all netizens’ cell phone being shut down while sending text messages, resulting the tragedy of going to the local police station to write promise notes on the new year’s day, I have decided to sacrifice myself. These days, I will continuously send all kinds of pornographic messages, until my cell phone is shut down, then I will tell everyone what pornographic message and pornographic information is. Therefore for those friends who receive my pornographic message or sex text message, please do not misunderstand, I am not horny or flirting, I am just exploring.

  1. RE: text messages

    “I, the undersigned, hereby do solemnly swear as a loyal Party Member not to send any more text messages discussing the way the sun glints off of Mao’s firm chest, the way that the beads of sweat glisten off of the downy hairs just above his round, perky ass, the way in which his manhood is made hard, long, and Red by arduous, forced labor.”

    Actually I’d probably write my message to align like this:

    “Friends, comrades, I am very sorry for my inappropriate messages
    Under the laws of which I have agreed to live, I have broken them.
    Chairman Mao blessed us with his political ideologies, and we should follow them.
    Knowing these truths, I have still allowed myself to fall victim to my shameful temptations.

    Only now that my delinquencies have been brought to light by the great Party, I can
    Find the true path to serving my party, my people, and the memory of Mao.
    From the people, to the people, by the people, for people! I will unswervingly work hard to better myself!”

    Then I’d lose patience and just end up writing something like

  2. i like han han’s writing especially the satirical humour – which succinctly explains why google’s leaving which so many writers couldn’t do with far more words.

  3. As the Chinese government spokesman said the other day, reducing population growth by the one child policy is a major contribution by China to a greener world, I do appreciate all the work the Chinese government is doing in this direction. Bring them on!! One a day is not nearly enough. Since there are more where they came from, may be a hundred thousand a day is more appropriate target.

  4. by ‘insignificant people’ you mean the undervalued, horribly treated and disrespected migrant workers of China. These people deserve respect. They are hardly insignificant. Show them the respect they deserve.

    1. 屁民 is actually the word Han Han used in his blog, but come on, he is being sarcastic… the entire post is full of sarcasm. maybe you should read it over…

  5. 1 person dies EACH DAY because of concrete mixer truck accidents?? And people call me racist when I say Chinese can’t drive?? lol. Holy shit. That is an unbelievable stat! Learn how to drive, for God’s sake.

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