China’s "Naked Marriage" prove not all brides demand premarital payout

| May 17th, 2013

nakedwedding01

Popular Chinese TV series ‘Naked Wedding’ (literally ‘Naked Marriage Era’) explores the rising ‘naked marriage’ trend in China.

Media stories about Chinese marriage trends read like an endless refrain on the subject of materialism. In last few years, reports by NPR, the Telegraph, the National, and the New York Times have focused on the enormous financial transactions that precede the nuptials of China’s younger, materialistic generation and keep its poor men single. Tales of staggering dowries and “bride prices” depict couples who marry for economic gain, and maybe love, dragging a payload of cash, apartments, and cars into married life. While fascinating, these headlines miss some of the story about marriage in China. The financial expectations of single ladies have undoubtedly increased over the last decade or two, but not everybody has bought into the fiscal frenzy.

 

Are China’s Single Ladies Really That Demanding?

According to an oft-quoted 2011 survey, the “Chinese Marriage Situation Survey Report” the answer is yes. This survey, which asked 50,000 participants to specify their marital expectations, found that 92% of Chinese ladies thought a stable income was necessary for marriage, 70% thought a man should only marry after buying his own property, and 50% expected a man to provide at least a down payment if he could not purchase the home outright.

But an even bigger report, The 2012-2013 Survey Report on Chinese People’s Love and Marriage Values, came up with rather different figures. Jointly conducted by China’s National Population and Family Planning Commission and the popular dating website Jiayuan.com, this survey of more than 77,000 participants found that only 52% of women believed that home ownership was a necessary condition for marriage. Interestingly, 66% of men did not think property should be a matrimonial prerequisite.

Whether it is actually 70% or 50% of women who won’t marry without a home in hand, both the 2011 and 2012 surveys agreed that such expectations are a growing trend with the post-1980 generations. Women in their thirties and forties were less likely than younger women to demand this kind of payout from their groom. The surveys did not say why, but many 1970s-generation women grew up in a poorer China, watching the simpler marriage transactions of twenty and thirty years ago. On the other hand, single women are considered “leftover” by age thirty, and are pushed to marry before all chance of a husband evaporates. Under the circumstances, some may be willing to accept a husband without any real estate to offer.

Ironically, a recent legal revision may favor wives who don’t push their husbands to get an apartment before the wedding. In 2010, the Chinese legislature officially cut wives out of their share in any real estate purchased by their husband before the marriage. Ostensibly intended to slow the divorce rate and protect men from the clutches of prospective gold-diggers, the revision was dubbed “the law that makes men laugh and women cry.” It sparked a national outcry among Chinese women.

Bucking the Trend with “Naked Marriages”

What is often overlooked is the fact that a full one-third to one-half of China’s vast population does not insist on sealing wedding vows with material things. Many who want to emphasize marrying for love, or who at least want to be realistic about their financial situation, are opting for a luǒhūn, or “naked marriage” instead. This kind of marriage is one that is not ornamented with an apartment, car, or elaborate wedding party. Couples who choose a naked marriage pay a scant 9 RMB ($1.45) for a marriage certificate at the office of civil affairs, and may have a small party with family and friends.

One such woman, a 1980s-born engineer who called herself “Wendy,” got a naked marriage with a man she met on the internet. She was twenty-nine when they met and anxious to marry. “My husband and I didn’t really follow any customs for our marriage,” she explained. “We did not do the formal engagement with our parents or exchange the traditional gifts. The day we went to register our marriage was just the same as any normal day. It was nothing special. We didn’t have a wedding ceremony, just a party for family and friends in my home town. That was all ok for me.” Wendy had their first (and only) baby last year, and her parents have since moved in to help. Her husband has not earned a single yuan since their wedding, but has been working on a line of children’s products he hopes to launch soon. Wendy was unconcerned about his lack of income, though, and said she believed his products would soon make money for their son. She describes herself as happily married, and her husband as loving.

Other stories did not turn out so well. One such woman, a 1970s-born Shenzhen resident named Xingxing, explained that she met her husband through an internet match-making site. She was thirty-three at the time, and had a decent job, an apartment, and even an investment apartment of her own. Rather than try to match her holdings, her groom told her that he was going to hand his entire life savings over to his parents before their wedding. “He planned to start from zero with me,” Xingxing explained. “I felt a little uncomfortable about this, but I reminded myself that he cares for his parents, so he is a good man.” From the start, her friends thought her husband was unsuitable, but when he suggested they get a naked marriage, one friend really got angry. “She thought he didn’t trust me and that his “gift” to his parents was really just a defensive maneuver against me spending all of his money,” Xingxing sighed. Their marriage soured within six months, as her husband lost job after job and Xingxing’s own real estate office closed. Three years later, after a battle with infertility and incompatible sexual values, the couple divorced.

While some of these marriages will fail, national statistics suggest that most couples who marry the ‘naked way’ are just as satisfied with their lives, if not more satisfied, than those whose marriages are more lucrative. The Chinese Marriage Situation Survey Report found that about 70% of participants who chose such a marriage were satisfied with their lives. Similarly, a 2010 nation-wide survey of all types of married couples reported 62% were happy with their marriage. In 2012, another survey of 1,000 people, called the Survey of Chinese People’s Love and Marriage Happiness, found that 18% of married folk were very happy, while 60% were relatively happy, landing 78% somewhere in the happy zone.

All in all, while it remains fair to claim that financial security motivates the majority of marriage decisions in current-day China, this assertion cannot be applied to everyone. Millions of brides and grooms marry under different circumstances, and for different motivations. Not every bride demands “a groom with a view.”

16 Comments | Leave a comment | Comment feed

  1. maria says:

    Chinese women should demand house & car & savings from the future husband simply because Chinese men treat women as if they were pieces of meat with a clear expiration date.
    As you probably know, at 30 years old, Chinese women are considered to be too old to marry, so fight back ladies!

    • Ob says:

      I’m having trouble squaring all this with the greater financial statistics of the Chinese population though. Statistically speaking, we know that the average monthly salary in China makes it virtually impossible for the vast majority of Chinese to buy homes. Home prices are priced far above what 80% of the Chinese population can afford.

      So when women say they “expect” a man to own a home. I’m not sure I understand the meaning of “expect”. Statistically speaking, those expectations must mathematically not be met in the vast majority of cases.

      So you can say “fight back ladies”, which makes sense from a perspective of Western feminism. But it simply doesn’t add up mathematically when we’re talking about the reality of Chinese economics. There’s nothing to “fight” against, except for the poverty of the men and their inability to afford housing of their own.

      See, your statement pretends that all men are upper middle class. You’re living in some kind of liberal-arts, women’s ed fantasy world where there’s something called a “Patriarchy” that’s holding women down.

      Let me introduce you to reality, sister (I’m female by the way): The vast, vast, vast majority of Chinese men are destitute. They would like to marry. And the reality is they’re mostly extremely hard working (but broke). So who exactly are you “fighting” against when you advise ladies to “fight back”? Against the economic system that represses both men and women alike? Or against some fantasy version of reality where men are all wealthy oppressors?

  2. Ugh says:

    For the most part Chinese women are weak and cannot support themselves, so this isn’t a surprise to someone that has lived in China for any real length of time.

    While Chinese women are better looking than their western counter-parts, they are decades behind them in their ability to self-sustain, and would not survive in any other country.

    • jackie chan says:

      you are an ignorant pok gai who is talking out of his ass.Chinese women weak, at least chinese women arent a bunch of fat wrinkle face hookers like their western counterparts.

    • zozimos says:

      Hakka excepted of course?

  3. Smoked says:

    Get an education get a job take care of yourself then you marry for love. Just saying.

    • Ob says:

      Oh that’s a nice fantasy, but were that only the way women thought of marriage. None of my girlfriends ever dated a broke guy. Ever. The first question is “What does he do?” (Code, for how much does he make).

      Women have always and forever been attracted to wealth and power. And men have always been attracted to looks.

      If one simply accepts those things, then it’s completely okay for women to ask these questions about wealth. It is simply in our nature.

      But we must also then accept that it is equally okay for men to dump us and move on to younger ladies when the time comes.

      If we cannot accept the latter, then we must accept that both genders are equally insufferable.

  4. kate says:

    chinese women aren’t weak for the most part. i noticed they are much more practical but also more vain than their western counterparts, but they aren’t weak. Especially the migrant workers/ college graduates from small towns trying to make it in the big city. they’re very strong.

  5. mK says:

    How many western women want to marry a guy without a job, lives at home with his parents, probably have no prospect of ever making it on his own? How many women do you know who married or even considered such guys? I suspect the stats for Chinese women are not far different from anywhere else.

    How abut the fact that 2/3 of all divorce proceedings are initiated by women in US? If it weren’t for the money and other incentives, ratio would be closer to 50%. Chinese law is trying to prevent this. Best solution? Keep everything separate and have a prenup that says so.

    • Ob says:

      Better solution: Stay single.

      The world is swiftly moving to a post-marriage world. We certainly don’t need more population.

      Stay free. Stay happy.

  6. George says:

    A marriage should be about love and commitment before God our creator and not over regulated to destroy it altogether. And it is originally from the word of God, the Holy Bible a picture of Christ and the church as well as Adam and Eve the first marriage was performed by God and later they sinned and all have inherited a sin nature from them and our own choices or our sins also have hurt all human beings. But through repentance toward God and faith toward our Lord Jesus Christ we can have our sins forgiven against God and a home in heaven eternally when we die because God loved us enough to send his son to die for all of our sins on the cross, be buried, and rise from the dead the third day, was seen of men, and went back up to heaven. And is the only way also to miss eternal hell for our sins against him. This is found in the books of John and Romans in the Bible. Sincerely ;

    • laoma says:

      @george – it is you and your alleged Xtian values that have created most of the problems in the west. Insisting to bring those to China only compounds the issue.

    • Ob says:

      Oh please shut up with your idiotic claptrap. Your book is trash. It’s written by dozens of people and it’s full of grotesque illogic, evil and contradiction.

      Of course… you’re uneducated by definition, so you wouldn’t know that.

  7. Jim R. says:

    I believe Chinese women are strong and beautiful. At least the ones I’ve met.

    @laoma… Christian values that are not practiced correctly have caused problems in the west. But there are other “values” that have caused many more problems. Have Confucian values have caused most of the problems in China? No… they have not.

  8. voiceofhomer says:

    Our clients insisted on a girl who looked identical to Zhang Ziyi, the star of the hit film Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.

    Of course she had to be stunning. But she also had to be between 22 and 24 years of age and have a master’s degree from one of the top universities in Beijing or Shanghai.

    China’s billionaires are a notoriously fussy bunch of men.
    ————————————————————————————————-

    They are ugly and stupid looking too.

    So who gets the real catch?

  9. samuel says:

    money and good
    can be opposites
    marriage is a vow ,money a possession
    china needs to understand this.

Leave a Comment


1 × = eight

Kepard - Premium VPN Service

Latest Posts

Recent Comments

Hey that's great! haha, try that in our city in Seville and we give you all the support to work …» more

Most of China's developing urban areas look like that. It's not unusual to see rubble. » more

Annie is black now and don't her in HK, China. » more

blacks shouldn't be allowed in Asia » more

Is this story real? » more

Subscribe by email

Enter your email address: