From people.cn via sina:
People often tease, in Chinese people’s mind, not getting married is equivalent of “being abnormal”, not having children after marriage is looked as “counter-revolutionary”. (反革命: The term counter-revolutionary in China describes criminal activities including charges such collaborating with foreign forces and inciting revolts against the government.) Therefore, the Spring Festival, Singles day and Valentine’s Day have become the days these “abnormal” and “counter-revolutionary” go on trial. Especially those so-called leftover men and leftover women became targets of the crusade. All kinds of helplessness and sadness merged into one sentence = “Forcing Marriage, Chinese-style” is fiercer than a tiger!
To older unmarried men and women, they probably already have been “scarred” by the past Spring Festival. “Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend yet?” “When are you getting married?” “Why don’t you think for the your parents?” Parents try both soft and hard tactics, seventh uncle and eighth aunt’s firing with their weapons. Then looking at classmates and friends who were already taken, or holding baby and wife, everyone looked so sweet and loving, however the leftover men and women could not eat well, sleep well, choking when they speak, the entire holiday was a living hell.
Just recovered from the Spring Festival a little bit, here came the Valentine’s Day. The businesses now days really wanted to make money like crazy, thought of all kinds of money making schemes. “Lovers’ package”, “Designed and created for couples”, “In the name of love” etc. shopping malls, restaurants and movie theaters all played the sweet Valentine’s Day gimmicks. Suddenly, filled with sweet smell of the roses and chocolate, love is in the air of Valentine’s Day. It was defiantly happy and romantic to the lovers, however to older unmarried men and women, being single is torment – just dodged parent’s forcing marriage attacks, now unknowingly were trapped into businesses’ forcing marriage spider web.
Now, a person’s marriage has become the concern of the entire family, concerns of millions of families coming together and evolved into the topic of the society as a whole. In formal occasions or informal occasions, on the dinner table, on the training, standing, sitting and chatting, the topic always revolves around marriage. This is a typical Chinese characteristic, which is impossible to defend against. Being just a little careless, single men and women will “get shot” and became everyone’s target. Even tiger has naptime, “China style forcing marriage” is everywhere and all the time, it is fiercer than a tiger!
Over time, you will not be able to defend no matter how thick skinned you are. Your heart will turn chaotic no matter how calm you are. A friend of mine was both beautiful and talented. Ever since college, she was either in love or going through a breakup, but never found the right one. She was super calm only a few years ago, often said “quality over quantity”. This year, soon to be 30, parents and relatives all became anxious and increased their “attacks”, joining the match making business. Friend joked that now she is either on a blind date or on her way to a blind date, she lost all her drives. What “quality over quantity”? Might as well “marry a chicken, go with the chicken and marry a dog, go with a dog”. (old Chinese saying meaning a woman follows her husband no matter what he is)
Rushed into marriage after being “forced”, the two only have seen each other a few times. Not yet figured out each other’s personality, how happy do you think this kind of marriage will be? You can tell from the high divorce rate in the recent years. I believe, all parents in the world want their children to be happy, even forcing marriage has the same purpose. Parents just want to see their children to get married earlier and form a family to live happily. No one wants to see children fighting after marriage, broking plates and throwing bowls and going into cold war after the hot war.
That being so, may as well give them more space and time, do not exert so much pressure. After all, marriage is between two people, parents or relatives and friends can only stay behind the sideline, give advices and encouragements, but not to force too much pressure. As the society develops, people’s ideas must change as well. Please do not see single men and women as “poison snakes”, or use too much imagination. It is better to take off the tinted glasses.
Hope after N years, “forcing marriage” is just a myth.