Chinese dating etiquette: What is easy to do is also easy not to do
The process of courtship in China seems to be much more important than the process of courtship in the United States. While there is a lot more sexual activity among younger Chinese, a lot of Chinese girls still expect the utmost courtesy and respect when a male is seeking their affection, especially if the goal is to be in a relationship. Below, you will find a guide in the form of a table to interpreting "signs" in how a guy asks a girl out on a date and his actions during and after the date.
A term commonly used among girls to describe men with a knack for courtship is “细心" (translated: careful, attentive, meticulous) and I think this is very much the case. In the U.S., I think girls talk about guys who are "sensitive" but it’s not quite the same thing. I found the following table on Renren as a guide to dating and after looking at it: I concluded that what’s easy to do is also easy not to do. And sometimes that makes all the difference.
(Table and information found here. Translations added by me.)
- This is a sincere beginning and it shows that he has thought about asking you out far in advance. At least, it shows that he is well-versed in social manners.
- This man probably suddenly felt lonely, if you are lonely too, and don’t mind "striking matches to make fire" then go for it.
- If you find yourself in these circumstances you should gauge the personality of the man. If he is honest and a bit naive, it means that he still does not know the rules of a single date, so he hopes to bring a friend for cover. If he is talkative and outgoing, then this outing might just be a little social gathering that he wants to plan, or he wants to help his friend get a date.
- Don’t even think about it, he’s just using you as a "diving board" to get to know your friend – whether or not you become a bridesmaid is up to how magnanimous you are.
- Picking a place like this that is free, or a place where you do not stay very long shows that he does not necessarily expect your relationship to go very far, but just to test his luck. If things go well, he might arrange for other outings, but if he doesn’t like how things are going he’ll leave right after he finishes his cup of coffee.
- Picking a traditional date place like this shows that he really values this date. He wants to stay longer and spend more time getting to know you.
- If the first date is at a place like this, he just wants a playmate. Everyone will have a good time, but that’s probably about it.
- If he asks you out to a place like this, its not really that he is frivolous, but he sees you as a very uninhibited woman.
- An impatient, inappropriate and petty man. He thinks that any woman who dines with him should want to have sex with him.
- It’s pretty clear at this point, he won’t really think about you much after this. Its best if you don’t contact each other anymore, or there might be self-pitying going on.
- He still has a little hope for you, he has that little bit of feeling for you but he’s unsure, or he’s just being polite. Overall, the chances of things developing aren’t too high.
- This is something a very polite man would do, but he probably does not have any feelings for you.
- He does have manners, waits until the last moment to express his true desires, it’s much better than a one-night stand. So whether or not you hook-up with him is up to you – if you do hook-up, the chances you continue dating are about 30%, 50% chance you guys become friends with benefits, 20% chance that the next day both of you will pretend that nothing has happened.
- Congratulations, this man has done the "right thing" from the very beginning of asking you out. It shows he respects you 100% and there is also a 100% chance that he likes you. This is very likely to be the beginning of a great relationship, you should decide whether or not you want to accept.