Chinese dating etiquette: What is easy to do is also easy not to do

| April 26th, 2010

The process of courtship in China seems to be much more important than the process of courtship in the United States. While there is a lot more sexual activity among younger Chinese, a lot of Chinese girls still expect the utmost courtesy and respect when a male is seeking their affection, especially if the goal is to be in a relationship. Below, you will find a guide in the form of a table to interpreting "signs" in how a guy asks a girl out on a date and his actions during and after the date.

A term commonly used among girls to describe men with a knack for courtship is “细心" (translated: careful, attentive, meticulous) and I think this is very much the case. In the U.S., I think girls talk about guys who are "sensitive" but it’s not quite the same thing. I found the following table on Renren as a guide to dating and after looking at it: I concluded that what’s easy to do is also easy not to do. And sometimes that makes all the difference.

(Table and information found here. Translations added by me.)

  1. This is a sincere beginning and it shows that he has thought about asking you out far in advance. At least, it shows that he is well-versed in social manners.
  2. This man probably suddenly felt lonely, if you are lonely too, and don’t mind "striking matches to make fire" then go for it.
  3. If you find yourself in these circumstances you should gauge the personality of the man. If he is honest and a bit naive, it means that he still does not know the rules of a single date, so he hopes to bring a friend for cover. If he is talkative and outgoing, then this outing might just be a little social gathering that he wants to plan, or he wants to help his friend get a date.
  4. Don’t even think about it, he’s just using you as a "diving board" to get to know your friend – whether or not you become a bridesmaid is up to how magnanimous you are.
  5. Picking a place like this that is free, or a place where you do not stay very long shows that he does not necessarily expect your relationship to go very far, but just to test his luck. If things go well, he might arrange for other outings, but if he doesn’t like how things are going he’ll leave right after he finishes his cup of coffee.
  6. Picking a traditional date place like this shows that he really values this date. He wants to stay longer and spend more time getting to know you.
  7. If the first date is at a place like this, he just wants a playmate. Everyone will have a good time, but that’s probably about it.
  8. If he asks you out to a place like this, its not really that he is frivolous, but he sees you as a very uninhibited woman.
  9. An impatient, inappropriate and petty man. He thinks that any woman who dines with him should want to have sex with him.
  10. It’s pretty clear at this point, he won’t really think about you much after this. Its best if you don’t contact each other anymore, or there might be self-pitying going on.
  11. He still has a little hope for you, he has that little bit of feeling for you but he’s unsure, or he’s just being polite. Overall, the chances of things developing aren’t too high.
  12. This is something a very polite man would do, but he probably does not have any feelings for you.
  13. He does have manners, waits until the last moment to express his true desires, it’s much better than a one-night stand. So whether or not you hook-up with him is up to you – if you do hook-up, the chances you continue dating are about 30%, 50% chance you guys become friends with benefits, 20% chance that the next day both of you will pretend that nothing has happened.
  14. Congratulations, this man has done the "right thing" from the very beginning of asking you out. It shows he respects you 100% and there is also a 100% chance that he likes you. This is very likely to be the beginning of a great relationship, you should decide whether or not you want to accept.

29 Comments | Leave a comment | Comment feed

  1. Jay K says:

    and when do chinesen girls release the kracken

  2. jay says:

    last time I showed that much respect to a girl, all I got was a ‘HAHA thanks for playing’

    girls don’t want respect, thats a guy thing. They want SECURITY.

    Security that even though they had a kid or two, guys still find them attractive. Security that even though they don’t work, they can still go shopping and take vacations whenever they want. Security that their shoes and bags will one up their friends making them the alpha female.

    • b-real says:

      ding ding ding what do you win? A nice guy is just a plus for women to get their way. A nice guy is a sucker that will never get any ass on his terms. He’s gonna have to pay for it.

  3. Neirda says:

    That’s neat-crafted theory.
    Obviously written by unexperienced guy out of TV-drama fantasy.
    That indeed collapses in the real world.

  4. Carl says:

    WTF you guys, this is a guide for girls looking for signs from guys, not the otheway around, did u even read the article?

  5. John says:

    Man, sounds like a lot of you guys aren’t getting laid and/or are virgins.

    This is the main rule: If you respect a woman and she respects you back, that’s a good thing. Contrary to what some of you young pups seem to believe, treating a good woman with respect in no way emasculates you. In fact, it proves you are a big man, and that you are even more likely to find the best women and have the most success in relationships.

    By the way, if a woman wants you to buy her stuff and you put up with it, you’re just a sucker, and it’s more a reflection of your own weak judgment than the materialistic tendencies of the woman. A man that pays any price to have a hot woman under his arm, including her using up his credit cards, deserves the risk of losing his net worth.

    There are materialistic women _and_ men_ out there; neither group is more shallow than the other. They’re equal opportunity douchebags. When they pair up, it’s a natural attraction and it serves the rest of society well as it keeps them out of the public pool.

    The best women are no different than the best men. Everyone wants to be treated with respect, and when they find a good mate, they want it to work out, sex and all.

    No charge for the lesson. Good luck and happy hunting.

    • b-real says:

      You say that now but you’ll be paying for it in the long run. Keep your women happy or the consequences can be disastrous. Its all conditional in today’s society and circumstances can very but its all the same even if you are in love.

      • b-fake says:

        MAN MAN MAN, I HAVE NOT BEEN on this website for a while, I miss talking shit to b-real and the rest of those sons of a biscuit eaters

        Chinese girls want aggressive motions like the moves I make on a b-ball court, they dont want sissy la la’s like b-real

        i be in a club in guangzhou just pulling girls walking past me and they feel it, there is no sense of rejection

        i tell them i want U and I want to touch U where the sun dont shine, all in canto or mando……next thing you know i am releasing lotion while b-real is still wondering about their emotions hahahaha

        • Rokyn says:

          Geez… how many of those “women” you pull do you actually end up in a long term relationship with b-fake?! If you tried that on me, you’d be sorely disappointed!!

          I prefer a man who respects his woman (and his self) – sounds like you do neither. Good luck with that!

    • Schamotnik says:

      Word John. Spoken like a true scholar :D

      B-real: it seems like in your world affection has a price tag..

      As for this graph I can only shake my head. Could be from one of those relationship advice books.

    • Londonmay says:

      Well said! From a female prospective I can say u really understood what women want.

  6. Laoshi says:

    Moronic article. Couldn’t be more untrue.

  7. Neirda says:

    I didn’t say it’s ALWAYS wrong, but it’s just too simple. It fits more a TV drama writing guideline than real life advice.

  8. Crystal says:

    Whether this guide is clever or not, the problem is that some girls indeed might take it seriously – LOL

  9. malagebi says:

    The path that most men in China take to get a girl is much easier:

    1. Go to massage parlor, KTV, barber shop, your mom’s house, etc.
    2. Pay money
    3. The End.

    • b-fake says:

      hahahaha your moms house???? hahhahaahahahhaahaha
      true that…….i bet you go to many moms house in dong guan and foshan huh? hhahahahahha

      yes i agree with you guys dont want to waste time taking them to RBT for $40 dollars tapioca drinks, and going to watch a movie for 70rmb…….sometimes if they got weak game like b-real, they end up spending their college tuition and still got no play…..why not just pay and play and skip all the 1st , 2nd , 3rd base and hit the home run

  10. White Monkey says:

    All I can think about is after date # 3 comes the matching shirts and funny hats.
    After date #30 comes the ‘ <— I'm with this whiney melodramatic turd' shirt.

  11. rollseyes says:

    “The process of courtship in China seems to be much more important than the process of courtship in the United States. ”

    And, after that stupid generalisation, I stopped reading.

  12. elenore says:

    The best way to end up with someone long term,is be honest from beginning.If you pretend eventually they are going to figure it out and you have wasted your time and theirs.If your a scum bag female or male it doesn’t matter eventually you’ll find someone who into that.There are people who are attracted to everything and everyone.Just find the one who equally attracted to you.If it’s just one night stands,then These rules really don’t apply.You just need a bar for that.

  13. keius says:

    FFS, what a load of bs. Want the girl? Don’t be a dick unless that’s what she wants. Be thoughtful. ‘nuf said.

  14. Minna Petges says:

    Thanks for this excellent relationship article. It will just help mine out. Thank you again!

  15. dude says:

    Lol, I don’t see how that guide exclusively applies to Chinese girls? I’d say western girl want to be walked home and treated respectfully as well…
    And why do people always write so many bullshit comments in such posts?

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