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I have resumed secular life, so why was I trying to save my soul in the beginning? Buddhists teach that all space-directions are void and compassion is the principle of life, but in the end I have found it’s only my imagination, everything is fake. The monks nowadays all have twisted and perverted minds. I lived in the the monastery for half a year, and I experienced the (same-sex) abnormal sexual behaviors between the monks and other unspoken rules between the abbots. I even saw illicit things between monks and nuns. I am really depressed. Do these people really believe in Buddhism? Don’t they know they will go to hell? Sigh, I don’t want to be reminded of my unbearable past, but in order for more people to know the truth, I have decided to tell everything.
I started to learn about Buddhism in 2004, that time, I read the Buddhist scriptures whenever I had time. For years, especially last summer, I was more and more persistent about converting to Buddhism. I took 2000 yuan behind my mother’s back and went to a large local monastery in Fujian province. I looked up this temple on the Internet for a long time, the elder abbot often goes overseas to preach Buddhist scriptures. I worshipped him at the time, so I went to the temple without thinking. When I got there, that elder abbot was very happy when he saw me. I have high academic credentials, and honestly I am really good looking, the elder abbot accepted me to stay in the temple without asking too many questions. But there is an initiation period, during this time I stayed alone in a guest room. I seldom communicated with other monks. Abiding by the rules, I went to the morning class and night class every day. After not even a week, the abbot said I passed the test and would perform tonsure for me. I was full of joy. However, unexpectedly, it was the beginning of a nightmare.
Tonsure went smoothly, and it was the first time that I got to see all the monks in the temple. Everyone lined up neatly, chanting for me while the abbot shaved my head. My heart flourished with Buddhism’s power and harmony. I event thought I found the faith and the direction of my life. But that night, exactly that night, I started to doubt.
It was the summer. The temple’s rule was no showering until after 9 pm, when the evening class is over. Maybe it was habit, but even though there were showers inside the temple, monks rarely came to bathe. Most of them don’t even wash their faces before going to sleep. As for me, coming from Guangdong, I really couldn’t stand it. So, after the evening class I went to shower. The bathing pool was really quiet, only one of the older monks was showering besides me. I respectfully smiled at him. He also smiled back at me, then friendly invited to shower next to him. He said he had more toiletries. In fact, I didn’t have any toiletries with me so I went to shower next to him. When I was washing my hair, suddenly I felt someone was touching my back. I was frightened; turned around and yelled. The older monk said innocently that he just was soaping me up. I was embarrassed and said I can do it. But the monk insisted, and said we were in the same family should help each other etc. I believed him at the time and so I lowered my guards.
But the rubbing got even more and more weird. After rubbing my back, he even started soaping my butt. Intentionally or unintentionally, his hands were grabbing and pinching. I was a little embarrassed, but stayed quiet and thought maybe I think too much . So I let him keep soaping my butt. But he soaped my butt for long time and even stuck his figure inside. I jumped and starred at him. He laughed without any sense of embarrassment and asked me If I don’t wash that place.
I almost fainted, there is even good friend when meeting for the first time would wash your butt-hole. It was totally strange to me. Maybe we both were a little awkward with each other, or he saw I am really beginning to doubt that he had impure motives. He handed me the soap and left.
After showering, I was full of doubt, I went to see the abbot, and to be assigned a room. At the time it was summer and all the rooms had their doors slightly ajar, I went to the Abbot’s room and saw that he was on the computer, vaguely I saw a website that looked a lot like those pop-up ads I always saw for pictures of pretty girls to download to your cell phone. So I made a coughing noise, the Abbot didn’t seem to care and calmly went to the next page on the website, and then turned around to talk to me, "The young fellow looks even more vigorous after a shower, you should fit here nicely, you have a bright future."
I was a bit embarrassed to be complimented like that, even though I grew up being used to praise. But after the experience with the shower, I was hesitant about praise from other men, maybe even a little loathsome, especially from a old monk with a small-frame looking at pictures of beautiful woman on the Internet.
I asked him which room I would be in, and the Abbot said I would be in the West Room and then gave me some sheets and covers. I didn’t stay for long and then I left.
When I got to the West Room, there were a lot of beds squashed together, it looked pretty shoddy. Once I entered the room, an older monk who was in charge kindly helped me make room for my bed and told me to call him Ji An. Ji An was 11 years old when his parents brought him to the monastery. He is very tall, around 1.8 meters and quite handsome. Maybe due to his good looks, I felt all the monks in the room liked to be around him. But his personality is really quite friendly and kind, and when he spoke he was very polite, this is probably also a reason that everyone likes him. I looked around and fortunately, the monk that I showered with was not in the same room as me, and I heaved a sigh of relief. I was dead tired and ready to go into a deep sleep.
Just like this I stayed at the monastery for about a month. But one night, I had stomach problems and could not sleep until 1 in the morning. And then something happened that I would not be able to forget for the rest of my life, and just thinking of it makes me feel disgusted.
That day I don’t know why, probably because I wasn’t used to the environment, but I started to complain that my stomach hurt. I didn’t go to class in the evening and just slept, tightly wrapped in my covers. Ji An was very kind, he poured me water to drink, brought me medicine, and didn’t do anything less. I began to like Ji An more and more and I wanted to become friends with him. It would have been nice if I had gone to bed early like I usually did that night, I had already decided to become good friends with Ji An and the series of events that proceeded to happen would not have taken place. But of course, I just could not fall asleep.
It was past 1 a.m. and most of the monks had fallen asleep. I could even hear the small snoring sounds made by the slightly pudgy monk next to me. My stomach continued to bother me, all I could do was moan softly under my covers, for I was afraid of bother the others. Suddenly, I heard someone coming in from outside, and then I heard Ji An’s voice, "I want to go to sleep, not today."
I stuck out my head and saw through the moonlight, Ah Qiang, Wang Xuebing and Xiao Chensan from the other room were sitting at the foot of Ji An’s bed telling him to hurry up. I felt that Ji An was extremely unwilling. While putting on his clothes, he continued to whisper: really, not today, tomorrow. But Ah Qiang just responded loudly with, "Don’t argue with me. Hurry up." At the time I was a little scared, but Ji An did not say anything more. He just stood up and followed the other three out the door.
I was really worried, to tell you the truth. I thought Ah Qiang wanted to cause some trouble for Ji An, because ever since I entered the monastery, I felt Ah Qiang was a bit crooked and had the look of a hoodlum, like Chen Xiaochun. So I woke up slowly and secretly followed them to see what was going on. I saw them walk toward the bathroom so I walked around the back of the bathroom and climbed on top of ledge so I could see them. What I saw almost made me fall to the ground.
I saw Ji An giving Ah Qiang oral sex, and the other two were holding firmly onto Ji An’s arms, not letting him move. I felt a little impulsive at the time, and I wanted to help Ji An. But right when I was prepared to jump off the wall I heard Ji An say, "Xuebing, you two should just both take your clothes off. I’ll eat you guys together."
I silently climbed down the ledge and returned to the West Room. My stomach did not hurt anymore, but I could not fall asleep.
Many people are questioning me and I really have nothing to say in response. Just like at first I questioned myself – is this really a sacred ground for Buddhism? Are these really Buddhist monks? But you must have been to monasteries before. Have you ever complained about the high-priced fragrance? Have you ever had your fortune told by a monkwho is not supposed to believe in fortune-telling? They are already doing evil. For you outsiders, these on-the-surface things are so apparent, how much debauchery do you think goes on beneath the surface?
I swear I am Buddhist, so I will swear to the Buddha. All that I have said is true and not fake. If you think it is false, please show evidence to prove that they have not done this. Incest between monks and nuns has happened since ancient times and does not begin with this generation.
There are much more of this explicit story, read the original post in Chinese. Or to be continued if there is popular demand…
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